Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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