Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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