I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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