i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
