well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
