my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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