It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
