Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
