I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
