Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
