she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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