So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i came on her dog
where are you?
Hypothermia
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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