U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Buhtt sex?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
