i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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