You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
