You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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