No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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