Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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  (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k
  Replies (22) Good night (905) Bad night (5607)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

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  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (10524) Bad night (1371)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

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  (410): I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle.. http://tfl.nu/lwyr
  Replies (15) Good night (8594) Bad night (1246)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.

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  (631): I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary. http://tfl.nu/rbbj
  Replies (19) Good night (4598) Bad night (1192)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"

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  (630): For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey" http://tfl.nu/xp9h
  Replies (19) Good night (813) Bad night (2938)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.

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  (804): You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/xqs5
  Replies (5) Good night (1143) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing

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  (312): Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing http://tfl.nu/oxks
  Replies (8) Good night (1441) Bad night (494)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk

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  (253): Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk http://tfl.nu/8gkz
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (614)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing

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  (407): so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing http://tfl.nu/s8vo
  Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.

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  (970): You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock. http://tfl.nu/iwwh
  Replies (2) Good night (1066) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?

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  (618): You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming? http://tfl.nu/vj0c
  Replies (3) Good night (627) Bad night (870)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.

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  (770): I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/srdm
  Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?

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  (631): My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right? http://tfl.nu/9a0f
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?

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  (973): She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees? http://tfl.nu/m4o6
  Replies (5) Good night (412) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.

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  (816): Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol. http://tfl.nu/a402
  Replies (2) Good night (499) Bad night (211)

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