You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.