right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
