we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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