just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
