What did we do last night that was yellow?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
