Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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