Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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