Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
