these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
