So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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