come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
