i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
