Define "chronic" masturbator.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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