I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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