Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
