Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
