I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
