I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
