i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize