dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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