so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
