East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
