im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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