New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize