You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
