So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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