So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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