Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
