so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
