PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
