he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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