Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
