All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
