I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
