he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
