so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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