what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
