You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
