you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
