its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
