there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
