did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
