I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
