I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i dont even know how to be here
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
