I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
